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Nov 9, 2011

The Blessing of a B-


Category:Head of School Blog 
Posted by: bberk

On Monday evening we hosted a panel of experts to discuss The Blessing of a B-, by Wendy Mogel.  Dr. Mogel’s book about using Jewish teachings to raise resilient teenagers has lessons that can apply to all of us, regardless of the age of our children.  Many poignant comments stick in my mind as I reflect back on the wisdom that Deena Gerber, Dr. Lynn Parker and Rabbi Alexis Berk shared with us on Monday night, but two points stick with me most of all. 

 

First, Hasidic thought teaches the idea of balance.  We are taught to keep two pieces of paper in our pockets at all times.  On the first piece, we should write, “I am but a speck of dust.”  On the other, “The world was created for me.”  These two clearly contradictory images speak to a great tension in Jewish thought and to a dilemma inherent in child raising.  We want our children to see the divine in everything – including themselves.  We want them to be proud, confident, sure of their contribution to this world.  Yet, we also want them to understand each person’s role in interconnected world.  We worry about selfish behavior and arrogance.  Mogel reminds us that we must strive to help our children learn that they are both holy and ordinary.  Both qualities have value in childrearing.

 

The second point that sticks with me surrounds the idea of creating two lists of behaviors.  The first list includes items that are that are non-negotiable.  The second list includes behaviors that are unpleasant, but may be ignored, for the sake of minimizing conflict between parents and their teens or pre-teens.  Some parents may place cursing on the absolutely unacceptable list, but they are able to ignore it when their child rolls his or her eyes at them.  The purpose of the list is not to give your children areas where they are allowed to misbehave.  Rather, Mogel suggests that parents use such lists as ways to help avoid second guessing themselves about whether they are asking too much, enough or not enough of their teen.  Parents who know their non-negotiables up front are better able to respond to behavior in a consistent manner with the confidence of their convictions behind them.

 

Wish that you had attended on Monday evening?  We still have a few copies of Mogel’s book available for purchase for the subsidized price of $10.  Other adult education opportunities are coming up through our Berenson Library programming.  Stay tuned for more information.

 

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