Parents Association: Preparing Our Children

In addressing a group of students at a Jewish day school in Boston, Susannah Heschel commented that “it is not enough to be a Jew, but [it is necessary] to stand for Jewish principles.  Heschel, the daughter of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, learned at a young age what it meant to stand for Jewish principles.  She has vivid memories of her father receiving a telegram from Dr. Martin Luther King asking Heschel to travel to Selma, Alabama to join in a march that would become one of the enduring symbols of the fight for civil rights.  Heschel stood for Jewish principles in his fight for civil rights.  Almost fifty years later we can do the same.

 

This Monday we have an opportunity to march in this year’s parade honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his tremendous legacy.  Our presence will do more than just honor King’s legacy; it will also make a statement that tikkun olam is more than acts of charity.  Indeed, working for justice by removing the cause of social problems is equally as worthy.  Our participation in the march makes the statement that our community can be an effective agent for change.  Please join us at 9:45 on Monday, January 16^th at Congo Square.  In the words of Rabbi Heschel, we will ‘pray with our feet.’

Tradition.  Our traditions mean a lot to me.  Playing football on Thanksgiving.  Aunt Jean’s gefilte fish.  Potatoes on Lag B’Omer.  Grilling hot dogs and burgers on the 4^th of July.  Eating in our sukkah.  Some of these traditions I look forward to every year.  Others – like Aunt Jean’s gefilte fish – I look back upon fondly and wish they were still part of my life. 

 

I also admire other people’s traditions.  While traveling in Africa many years ago I took part in a New Year’s Eve tradition of dancing to African music long into the night.  The sense of community that this brought forth was similar to how I feel every year on Simchat Torah when our community dances with the Torahs.  Dancing to the drum beat was a once in a lifetime event for me – it was wonderful, but I never adopted it as my own tradition.

 

This week I learned from one of our families about a birthday tradition in India.  I love its simplicity.  When a child has a birthday the parents bring cake to the school, but not for the student’s classmates as we do in the United States.  Instead, the parents bring the cake for the teachers.  This is such a profound statement to make.  On the day that parents celebrate their child’s birthday they also honor their child’s teacher.  Thank you to the Garg family for sharing one of their traditions with us.  I love the message and I hope to adopt it as my own.

On Monday evening we hosted a panel of experts to discuss The Blessing of a B-, by Wendy Mogel.  Dr. Mogel’s book about using Jewish teachings to raise resilient teenagers has lessons that can apply to all of us, regardless of the age of our children.  Many poignant comments stick in my mind as I reflect back on the wisdom that Deena Gerber, Dr. Lynn Parker and Rabbi Alexis Berk shared with us on Monday night, but two points stick with me most of all. 

 

First, Hasidic thought teaches the idea of balance.  We are taught to keep two pieces of paper in our pockets at all times.  On the first piece, we should write, “I am but a speck of dust.”  On the other, “The world was created for me.”  These two clearly contradictory images speak to a great tension in Jewish thought and to a dilemma inherent in child raising.  We want our children to see the divine in everything – including themselves.  We want them to be proud, confident, sure of their contribution to this world.  Yet, we also want them to understand each person’s role in interconnected world.  We worry about selfish behavior and arrogance.  Mogel reminds us that we must strive to help our children learn that they are both holy and ordinary.  Both qualities have value in childrearing.

 

The second point that sticks with me surrounds the idea of creating two lists of behaviors.  The first list includes items that are that are non-negotiable.  The second list includes behaviors that are unpleasant, but may be ignored, for the sake of minimizing conflict between parents and their teens or pre-teens.  Some parents may place cursing on the absolutely unacceptable list, but they are able to ignore it when their child rolls his or her eyes at them.  The purpose of the list is not to give your children areas where they are allowed to misbehave.  Rather, Mogel suggests that parents use such lists as ways to help avoid second guessing themselves about whether they are asking too much, enough or not enough of their teen.  Parents who know their non-negotiables up front are better able to respond to behavior in a consistent manner with the confidence of their convictions behind them.

 

Wish that you had attended on Monday evening?  We still have a few copies of Mogel’s book available for purchase for the subsidized price of $10.  Other adult education opportunities are coming up through our Berenson Library programming.  Stay tuned for more information.

 

Thanks to everyone who joined us at our Picnic in the Park yesterday.  It turned out to be a great way to relax and enjoy each other’s company after Yom Kippur.  Two stories that I would like to share:

• A lot of the kids really enjoyed the treasure hunt.  Groups of kids (and at least one adult) had to run around the park going from clue to clue.  The treasure hunt ended back by the picnic blankets and the kids were each able to pick out a prize.  Once finished, about half the kids asked if they could do it again.  When we said sure – but not for an additional prize – most of them wanted to do it again anyway.  Neat.
• What could be better than tossing around a football on a beautiful day?  Lots of football and Frisbee games sprung up yesterday, but my favorite game demonstrated just why I love this community.  One teacher, one second grade girl, one fourth grade boy and one 6^th grade girl who is an alum.  Different ages, different football ability, one happy group.

Did you miss the picnic?  No worries, our Sukkah Dinner is Monday, October 17^th.  The evening promises to be a lot of fun: food, friends, music and relaxation.  Current students, alumni and extended family members are all welcome!

Every morning I have the privilege of standing outside to greet kids as they walk into NOJDS.  It is my favorite part of my day.  What could be better than opening car doors for a whole bunch of smiling kids?  

 

Most mornings I get a few kids who say hello or good morning, some reports about the night before and, yes, some blank stares from kids who are still a little sleepy.  This morning, one of the students said, “Why can’t jump rope team be on Tuesday?”  His friend asked – with some semblance of disbelief – “You mean you really like jump rope club?”  I didn’t really hear the response as they had moved on, but it seemed pretty clear that waiting until Thursday for 25 minutes of jump rope team was just too long a wait…

This morning I joined the 4^th and 5^th graders on a quick trip to Bayou St. John.  One of our Judaic Studies teachers – Mrs. Adelman – prepared a lesson on tashlich, which is typically done on the afternoon of Rosh Hashanah.  After Tefillah, the kids spent some time alone thinking about what they may need to apologize for – and to whom – and what sins they may have committed during the past year.  They then threw bread into the Bayou to symbolize the throwing away of their sins. 

I would like to offer my thanks to Hugo and Lis Kahn who hosted us at their beautiful home on the Bayou.  Also, my apologies to the fisherman - the fish seemed pretty full when we left!

Over the past four days we have had the pleasure of welcoming Beth Huppin to New Orleans.  Beth is Jewish day school teacher from Seattle and a 2011 Covenant Award winner.  She - along with her husband - joined a few of us for a delicious Shabbat dinner on Friday.  Beth then returned on Tuesday morning to teach a terrific lesson on different social justice texts from our tradition.  I would love to say more about her visit,but instead I invite you to check out her blog: http://ittakesatable.wordpress.com to read her thoughts about her time in New Orleans.

Who says art museums can't be fun for 4th and 5th graders?  Not our students!  Yesterday's field trip was a blast for all of us who went.  Our 4th and 5th graders loved their scavenger hunt.  Each of them walked excitedly around the museum looking for answers to the clues.  They each noticed something different.  One student couldn't believe how real the portraits looked - which led to a discussion of what life was like prior to the invention of the camera.  Another student felt that the paintings needed better titles. "Girl in Green Dress" might be descriptive, but one has to admit that it isn't very creative.  Finally, how about recess (with permission) in the middle of a sculpture garden?  Imagine all the places to hide in a great game of hide and seek!  Our kids found them all - and found a new way to appreciate art along the way.

Last night, at exactly 7:17 p.m., our NOJDS Choir took the stage at the Federation's Annual Meeting.  Even though it was past some of their bedtimes, our kids sang beautifully - with strength, with ruach and with skill.  

I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with a sense of pride as I stood there listening to them sing about peace in front of over 200 people.  Each sang with a contagious joy that left a lasting feeling in the room.  Congratulations to all of our students who participated!

This morning I joined 15 of our students for the first meeting of our Jump Rope Team.  It was great to be part of our inaugural day of morning exercise.  I’m looking forward to other before school exercise opportunities…and perhaps after a few days of Jump Rope Team I will be able to do 100 jumps without passing out from exhaustion!

Our fantastic Pre-K teacher - Heidi Vizelberg - has a habit of sending home daily emails that include videos and photographs of her students.  While I love the videos, I always prefer it when she emails just photos.  The photos allow me to make up my own story about what was going on at that moment in time.  Today she sent a picture of one Pre-K student and a 2nd grade student playing at recess together.  What were they playing?  What were they discussing?  Why were they smiling so brightly?  Another picture captured a 2nd grader and a Pre-K student during our pre-lunch Shabbat blessings.  Was the 2nd grader helping his younger friend read the words?  Were they both thinking about how to welcome Shabbat this evening?  A third picture showed a Pre-K student posing with a basketball during recess.  Had she made up a new game to play with a basketball? Chances are that I will never know the answers to most of these questions, but thanks to Ms. Heidi I get a great window into their school day and a chance to wonder.

We had a beautiful morning as a community during our observance of Rosh Chodesh Elul.  Rabbi Yonah Schiller joined us for tefillah.  As he led tefillah he shared some of his thoughts about many of the prayers.  He also asked our students for their thoughts. 

My favorite moment was when he asked the students to share some additional prayers that they might add to Birchot HaShachar - the morning blessings.  Our students began by saying that they would like to add 'laasok b'dvrei torah' - the customary blessing that we say before studying Torah.  Others wanted to add the Sh'ma. 

And what prayer did Rabbi Schiller want to add?  Thank you G-d for soccer.  With this prayer for a favorite sport he taught our students to reflect on some of G-d's simple creations.   Birchot HaShachar reminds us of the miracle of ALL of G-d's creations - both big and small.